Back home!

I’ve overcommitted myself and am feeling the internal pressure. I get scared that I won’t get whatever I need ($, attention, activity, endorphins) and then I put too much stuff on the calendar in an effort to deny that I am only really up 10 hours a day (for realz- I’m on Seroquel, which really “quells” the depression and hypomania, but slows me down quite a bit). Of that 10 hours, I seem to be able to work only 5 hours. It’s extremely embarrassing, but I also would be afraid to change my meds when they’ve helped me feel so good (at least when I am awake).

I had to cancel a haircut and a meeting because I have to meet a deadline I’m already late on and balance all of my Quicken and QuickBooks. I woke up at 11 (from 9 pm bedtime) and walked for coffee and am just beginning. This is when I miss hypomania and the pride of being able to accomplish a ton of stuff. That is not my story anymore, but neither is wanting to kill myself- so I’m calling it a fair trade.

So, I do a 4 pm show on Thursday and it’d be great to rehearse it again today or – at the very least- listen to the set from Portland or Eugene. I will check in to let you know that I’ve listened to the set. Thank you.

I didn’t do it. O yo-yo. Will try again today.

2 thoughts on “Back home!

  1. Maria, you are such a true inspiration. I admire your amazing strength, determination and humbleness. You are truly, an astounding human being. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Seroquel saved my lady, my sanity and our relationship. I mean, it also makes her nauseous 23/24 hours (among other wonderful things) but at least I don’t have to be hiding/guarding sharp objects anymore. As you said, fair trade 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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