On delta to Columbus via Houston and need to listen to set. Great to see jackie! As I said before, I’ve made a decision to go from profit sharing on shows to paying her a flat fee because the business income is down from last year. I feel really awful about it as Jackie is part of the reason I can even do the road and she makes the shows just great and a ton more fun. The business expenses are higher than they used to be – due to having more “staff”- accountant on call for quarterly payments and bookkeeper and travel agent and publicist and then earning enough to pay myself on the payroll – including all of the taxes. I’m going to meet with my debtors anonymous sponsors (not that I am in that program :)- haha. I’ve gone for 24 years and it’s a free resource I’ve gratefully utilized for support and community despite being an atheist. I figure prayer is just a creative cognitive behavioral excercise to help the mind stop ruminating. I pray to science and the human spirit. And that’s one of the rules of 12 step- is that everyone gets to go. Even if you’re on meth and you eat all of the donuts, you are welcome to be at a meeting. Any money, I’m going to ask 2 people to look at my numbers and see if I’m just making a decision out of fear or if I really can’t afford to bring an opener. I hope I’m wrong.
Listened to set from echo park late show and boy did that bum me out. I didn’t get a ton of laughs except for one loud laugher who may have been a comedian. Agh. It’s like I’ll think I have it smooth and finished and then it’s just completely crumpled again.
Listened to Addison, Texas hour (where everyone laughed at everything) and that made me feel better (even if it’s just a lucky unrealistically supportive audience).
Then, grateful (again) to me Jackie Kashian who taught me how to get in the delta sky club (you’ve got to choose your benefits!) and did hole machine- and found new life in a few bits she’s heard a billion times before (ok maybe 50) and I listened to her new chunklets.
There is nothing better than the feeling of having prepared and rehearsed for a show. It’s a solid glow in the sternum.
Right before show in green room with Jackie Kashian. She’s got merch. I have a real fear of selling merch. Which is dumb. Will talk it over with my debtors anonymous crew.
Going to try to do only new material (nothing from my prior special). I hope I can do it. I don’t want the audience to have a bad time, but I also need to try it.
I couldn’t do it. I did 3 things from the last spesh. Oof. Ah well. I have ego about a strong finish and I didn’t want to work stuff out for such a nice group. And I was afraid.