Listening to last hour

Painful to hear my squeaky umms and ahs, but have a few more ideas.

Need a different word for impersonations, axe body spray flavors, what minimum wage is and rent in my hometown.

Will look up.

charicatures

Voodoo and dark temptation

7.75

$795 for one br in Duluth

Working 40 hours a week, that’s 1300 a month, gross. 60 hours a week 1953, gross. 1562 at 20% tax rate.

That’s so I have better numbers in the social justice fantasies bit.

The next show I have is a few weeks from now and I’d rather be practicing every day a little bit instead of freaking out the day before. So, I may ask some friends if they’ll listen to my new hour this weekend- if it seems appropriate and they are down.

Hearing about suicides of Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade has been depressing. There’s no way to talk about someone else’s death without sounding like a jackass. There are all these messages after their obits to call the suicide hotline if you’re thinking of killing yourself and that seems so condescending, weird. As if they didn’t know about those resources or that someone might be stopped by seeing a phone number- like a zap of chemotherapy treatment for cancer. It just seems ridiculous and disrespectful to their experience. Not that people can’t survive suicide attempts or that some deaths by suicide are prevented, but I don’t know- after it happens- why make it this “lesson” that we apparently have to be reminded of or an if only they had a phone number. Obviously, they had a jillion phone numbers and if there’s an inappropriate time to judge someone for their actions as to “WHY?”, right after their death would seem to be the grossest.

It reminds me of when a family friend told me (and a bunch of other people) that the reason I was in the psych ward was because of a spiritual malady that could only be cured by a certain type of new age healing (and not meds). How dare anyone take one persons individual experience – that they didn’t have much curiosity about except to interpret it to their own beliefs – and use it as a symbol of a cautionary tale? Anyways, I’m not reposting suicide hotlines. Yeah- they can help but, to say they’re first line of prevention for any one person- just seems disrespectful of what just happened. Like putting an “eat organic” ad after someone dies of pesticide poisoning. They just died. Stop the promotion of the cure already.

Clusterfest

Getting ready for a festival. I’m not sure what kind of venue it’s in and if it’s outside it may be sort of like “doing the time” even if there isn’t a ton of audience response because it’s outdoors and people are distracted.

Was listening to NPR Terri gross interview about Rodgers and Hammerstein- that when they got successful, the quality of their work went down due to being overstretched with new money making opportunities and I definitely worry about that for myself.

Scott and I are trying to downsize – adding 1 roommate and then maybe a 2nd and 3rd- so there isn’t as much of a burden on earning instead of focusing to do a good job on one thing. I’m grateful to have a bunch of streams of income with voiceover and some tv acting, but I wonder if the quality of stand-up (and personal life) goes down with having a bunch of stuff going on or so much that you can’t really enjoy one thing at a time.

Need to rehearse, but have a script to memorize and bookkeeping to handle and an animation script to punch up and so- not giving full attention to the type of work that I enjoy the most anyways.

Going to have friend Joanna Cruz over to help me out with rehearsal (committing to new hour) and script memorizing (Stan vs evil on ifc- crazy nurse) and down sizing (putting all tax records in basement to clear a space for another human beast). I’m paying her $50 an hour for the creative help and $25 an hour for the office work. I don’t know if I’m over or under paying, but I do know that I own a home and none of my friends do (except for Jackie) and so it seems at least not taking advantage of her time.

I used to work for people organizing and cleaning homes and it really bothered me that I got minimum wage. Not to be ungrateful, but to just question your hourly rate when there’s a separate bedroom and closet (lots of outfits) for the dog.

We do have two dresses for The dogs that we purchased on Etsy from polka dog designs and I hope that lady seamstress is paying herself well. But that’s it for clothes. Sometimes we put one of them in the laundry room (jackie) because she’s bitten her sister (Betty), but it’s not “their” room.

Sent shorter 7 min new set to my manager Bruce for him to hear for a short appearance at jfl. He was worried the opener wasn’t strong enough, but I think he’s wrong. I almost don’t know why I sent it because I feel fairly stubborn about it. I guess I want to appear open and flexible while maintaining an inner rigidity and defensiveness. Good thing one can ever sense that.

Went through hour with Joanne. At least I practiced the words if not the meaning of them. Some (if not all) of my material feels so useless. Like it doesn’t have any great epiphanies or non-stop laughs. Went to a show last night and saw Zack galifinakis and his work is just so joyful and seamless and (seemingly) effortless and it was laugh a second. It is embarrassing to follow and just do what I have, but that’s the whole thing (for me, anyway) to continue on showing up despite little sign of genius or profundity. That it’s ok to keep making stuff even if it’s not the greatest. I may be a dandelion in the sidewalk but hey, a pretty nice dandelion in the sidewalk. (Substitute any commonplace flora/fauna at your discretion)

  • Whoops. Clusterfest is a little stressful because I get nervous for shows and so I feel scared if there’s any rejection at the out front and part of showbiz is trying to get in the door even when you are on the bill. It’s just that security professionals are doing their job and I have the shame that I probably don’t belong. Those combined bring out a weird combo of embarrassed confusion begging to get into the venue I’m performing in.

Woof! Rough show. Oyuoyoyoy. I headlined a show following the electrifying crowd work of Michael Che and boy was I a letdown. Agh! I did 30 minute and basically just filled the time, bailing into old material about 15 minutes in. Very humbling. It’s been a while since I’ve done a large show with non-super fans in the crowd. Well, it’s over now. (Jackie kashian on stage below!)